We All Need Role Models – Especially the Real Kind

Much has been said recently about Adolescence, the Netflix docu-drama that’s equal parts gripping and gut-wrenching. If you haven’t watched it yet, consider this your nudge – it’s a tough watch, but an important one. It shines a painful light on how young people, particularly boys, are being shaped (and sometimes shattered) by toxic masculinity, misogyny, and a flood of extreme views online.

But while the show holds up a mirror to our digital age, I want to turn our attention to something else that’s deeply connected – Gareth Southgate’s Richard Dimbleby Lecture. And if you missed it… pause your scroll, grab a cuppa, and watch it. Trust me – it’s powerful.

Here are a few reflections it stirred in me:

1. Real Role Models Over Filtered Fantasies

Southgate nailed it: young people need real, authentic role models. Not the perfect, polished, filtered kind that makes you question your existence – but ones who are learning, failing forward, trying again, and aiming to bring out the best in themselves and others.

Especially for boys, we desperately need men – dads, brothers, teachers, coaches, youth workers – to step up and show that strength isn’t about dominance or ego, but kindness, vulnerability, and integrity. Because let’s be honest: where there’s a vacuum, someone like Andrew Tate is more than happy to fill it. We need to rewrite the narrative before someone else writes it for them.

2. Rebuilding Real Community

As a youth worker, I’m all about building community – the real, face-to-face, eye-contact kind. Yes, we’re more digitally connected than ever… but emotionally? Often galaxies apart.

So, here’s the challenge: put down the phone. Leave the email unread for ten minutes. Turn off notifications. Be fully present with the young person in front of you. They don’t need our perfectly curated advice – they just need our attention.

3. Living in the Grey (And Why That’s Okay)

Here’s the thing – we live in a world that loves extremes. You’re either in or out. For or against. 0% or 100%.

But life? Life’s mostly lived in the grey. In the “not sure,” the “I’m figuring it out,” the “I’m 75% there, and that’s okay for today.” That’s where learning happens. That’s where empathy grows.

So let’s be people who create space for nuance. Let’s use words that open up conversations instead of shutting them down. Let’s stop demanding perfection and start welcoming progress.

There’s no quick fix here – no five-step plan to solve society’s issues with toxic influences and disconnected youth. But we can take steps:

• Be present.

• Be real.

• Be someone worth looking up to.

• Be vulnerable - it’s important for young people to know none of us have it all worked out.

• And help others do the same.

Young people are watching. Listening. Learning. The question is: what are we showing them?

This week, pick one young person in your world – at home, at work, in your community – and make time for a real conversation. Ask how they’re doing. Really listen. Be curious, not corrective.

Let’s be the role models they actually need.

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